Take it from me — your confidence is your light. And that includes the groundedness you have in your gender and sexuality.
If you follow my socials, you might see my cap and earthily blank gaze into the camera as giving something that falls somewhere on the gender non-conforming spectrum. And that’s because — lo and behold — I’m finally admitting that I am. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t felt torn between emulating the successful men I admire and drumming up the courage to groom myself into an object of affection for them.
Ever since I first heard the chime of that “nyah-nyah”-coded song everyone knows — “Anything you can do, I can do better…” — I knew that my entire personality would be based on outdoing the opposite sex in whatever I set my mind to.
But we’re not on the playground anymore. There’s no place in adulthood for “nyah-nyah” energy — at least not directly. The message the universe seems to send you as an adult is that you get what you’re given, and it’s all in how you use it. (Yes, I just quoted Pink. Huge vulnerability points to you if you caught that.)
Still, regardless of age, I know the slow creep of unrealized ambition would’ve continued to eat away at me if I’d chosen to “play it safe” — to not try to accomplish the whole dream in a day… every day.
And what is the dream, anyway? To be my own boss. Permanently. Doing what I’m best at: telling stories through words and images — and, if I’m lucky, entertaining the people around me while doing it.
Being a “silly type” is, in and of itself, considered a masculine trait. But in the MISFITS universe, we’re working to leave limiting beliefs in the past — and labeling behaviors as masculine or feminine can absolutely get in the way of authentic growth, both creatively and as a human being.
This wasn’t a truth I fully stumbled upon, though, until I changed into a new outfit for HARD Summer.
Yes, that came out of left field. I’m name-dropping a cornerstone L.A. rave to make a point about gender identity. But even with all the intensity I was born with, I’ve never been as relentlessly devoted to anything as I have been to building this brand and community over the past six months.
And in that process, I’ve felt myself slowly flipping the switch off on the full experience of being a woman — maybe inadvertently, but it still matters. Only giving blank, Daria-like stares in my social media posts. Only wearing hats and expecting the little hairbow on one of them to supply all the femininity for the shot. It’s almost as if cosplaying some capable DJ dude makes me feel like people take me — a doll-faced, fat, biracial woman — more seriously as a writer and founder of a streetwear label.
With all that said, back to the HARD Summer outfit. There was the first one I almost wore… and then the second one I actually left the house in. Let’s just say cleavage was present with the second one — and so was my confidence again.
All it took was letting go of the DJ cosplay vibe I’d been subconsciously embodying — and throwing on something stereotypically revealing of my lady parts — to finally feel like myself again.
Now, does that mean showing cleavage is what it means to be a woman? Not exactly. But that outfit change made me realize something I hadn’t meant to do: I was muting parts of myself. I’m no gender scholar — I identify as a straight woman — but when it comes to gender expression, I’ve always found it easy to bend. My personality leans masculine: I’m goofy, direct, and extremely ambitious. And to some degree, bending my gender has always felt like a way to protect my crazy (or delulu, for the on-trend linguists out there) dreams.
Because for women like me, delulu really is the solulu. We realized long ago that if we wanted to make our goals reality, we’d have to let go of what was expected of us as girls — to be agreeable, gentle, and cooperative in unspoken hierarchical structures. To entertain men — but never in a way that threatens their sense of self.
So yes, I wore a piece of lingerie in public like I used to in my early- and mid-twenties and headed off to HARD. I had a little post-cringe and archived the outfit photo a couple of hours later, but being out in something cutesy — rather than “hypebeast king of the year” — did a number on my spirit. In a good way.
It reminded me that the journey begins in your head — for better or worse. And that it’s entirely possible to become everything you want to be without flipping your sense of existence upside down. It’s possible to be pretty and capable — sexy and funny, a tease yet technically sound.
Who makes the rules? I certainly don’t. And that’s exactly why, creatively, I’m here to exemplify a lady who’s breaking them.
Ladies (and men): Have you ever felt like you needed to dim your feminine side to be taken more seriously? I’m open to comments, of course — but DMs work too. Your responses are always anonymous.
Ta-ta for now,
Rissy
Follow RISSY on Instagram for more updates on her founder journey.
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