If you’ve ever had a person orbit your life — lingering nearby but never fully connecting — you know the strange mix of frustration and confusion it brings. I call these people orbiters.

An orbiter is someone who circles around you in a repetitive, predictable path. They might pop in regularly enough to seem present, but they never truly land. And just like planets in space, they tend to show a different “phase” of themselves each time you see them.

They’re not constants. They’re variables. And while that might sound intriguing, the reality is that it’s exhausting — because you never quite know which version of them you’ll get.

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Who Are the Orbiters in Your Life?

Orbiters can take many forms:

• The “bestie” who disappears when your life is slow, then shows up the minute you’re back in the spotlight.
• The situationship who ghosts for months, only to reappear when your energy is magnetic again.
• The “supportive” creative friend who suddenly forgets your events exist — unless there’s a camera involved.

Whatever their role, the pattern is the same: they’re sustained by the energy you radiate, without giving much in return.

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Common Traits of Orbiters

After seeing this pattern enough times, I’ve noticed orbiters tend to have a few things in common:

• No strong sense of self. Their personality shifts depending on who they’re around.
• Avoidance of intimacy and accountability. They’re uncomfortable with deeper connection because it would require vulnerability.
• Inflated perception of their role in your life. They think they’re more integral than they actually are.

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Why Quality Matters More Than Quantity

As creative and ambitious women, we learn quickly that friendship is about quality, not quantity.

In some places (and especially in Los Angeles), quality can feel rare. There’s a culture of keeping things light, non-committal, and self-serving. That’s why learning to distinguish between orbiters and true friends is essential.

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The Anatomy of a Quality Friendship

True, healthy female friendships share certain qualities:

• Shared interests
• Mutual respect
• Compatible temperaments
• Support instead of competition
• Reliability when it matters

These are the friends who match your energy, who clap for you even when their own life feels messy, and who show up without needing to be begged.

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What Orbiters Bring Instead

Unfortunately, orbiters tend to offer the opposite:

• Subtle control over your choices (“shop where I shop, date who I date”)
• Chronic flakiness when it comes to plans
• A competitive edge that surfaces in conversations about career or life goals
• Excessive indecision and dependency on you to lead everything

This is not the foundation of a relationship that feeds you.

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Protecting Your Atmosphere

Orbiters aren’t bad people — but they’re not the core crew you need if you’re trying to make your mark.

Women need other women. Strong friendships with women are unlike anything else, but they require mutual effort and trust. If someone is in your orbit without truly investing, it’s okay — even necessary — to compartmentalize them.

A simple, firm mental boundary might sound like this:

“You’re great — but I need to protect my atmosphere right now.”

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Your Orbit, Your Rules

At the end of the day, you are your own planet. You decide who gets to land, who can visit, and who needs to remain at a safe distance.

Have you noticed orbiters in your own life? Have you ever found yourself orbiting someone else during a vulnerable season? The more we name these dynamics, the easier it becomes to protect our space — and fill it with people who truly belong there.

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